Shades of 1994

Sausages,

Check out the video. I'm sure it will stir up some fond memories.

- KA

Strange But True

During my senior year in college I legitimately had a thick callus on my left thumb from playing too much Nintendo 64. Anyone who has played a lot of Mario Kart 64 knows that power sliding requires quite a bit of thumb torque. Joel Zumaya knows my pain. The fire balling right hander nearly had to sit out the 2006 World Series while playing for the Tigers due to hours and hours of Guitar Hero in his hotel room (Guitar Hero 2, I believe, best soundtrack of them all). He developed short term carpal tunnel from strumming fake guitar. Strange injuries happen all the time in pro sports, and it seems that baseball players encounter them more than other pro athletes. I have a friend who never fails to remind me that the promise of a young Clint Barmes was tattered when he fell down a flight of stairs. Who can forget Sammy Sosa going on the disabled list after unleashing a violent sneeze. 

Over the past two weeks ESPN's Jason Stark has been recapping some of the stranger moments from the 2010 MLB season. He goes over all of the strange injuries in this segment

Golazos!

Sausages!

A friend of TSR forwarded me this post of the Top 10 goal nominees in the world of futbol. All are of the utmost quality and would be well deserving of the coveted FIFA Goal of the Year Award but only one can take the grand prize. If I had a vote (which I don't) it would be for #8. That goal showcases the highest degree of technical ability and cool, collected finishing when the angle was always against him. I know many of the casual spectators per say only watch futbol for the goals so this post is an attempt to keep you interested.

Top Goals

With that out of the way, let's wish a special Happy Birthday to former Astro great Jason Lane! I'm still convinced you and Chris Burke are the same person.

Till then,

- KA

Pats-Packers Sunday Night Retro Diary!

TSR authors Tim Harrington (Boston native, Pats fan, Brady's hair enthusiast) and Brenden Regan (Packers fan, went to Lambeau for 10th birthday, believes Clay Matthews is a werewolf at heart) decided to exchange text messages during last nights game between their two favorite teams. Below are Brenden and Tim's exchange, some content has been edited, because TSR is a family friendly blog.

Pre Kick Off

Brenden Regan: So did Faith Hill have to come in and change the "Football Night in America" song to include Matt Flynn's mediocrity and how the pats are going to to rail the pack?
Tim Harrington: If Brady and Clay Matthews had a child would he be allowed to play in the NFL at age 14?
BR: More importantly what color would his flowing locks be? Packers are going to take the Jets shady tactics to a new level tonight. I heard AJ Hawk has a shank made out of a toothbrush in his sock.
TH: If only Brandon Spikes wasn't suspended for roids. We still have Meriwether to swing some helmets if it comes to blows.
BR: (angry due to Knowshon Moreno getting 0 fantasy points) Apparently the new Broncos Tebow offense doesn't ever let Knowshon see the field. Funny, the ESPN fantasy scouting report failed to mention that.
TH: Matthew Berry Blows, novelty columnist
BR: He's a scam artist. Oh start the players going against terrible defenses? No one ever thought of that!
BR: Predict the score?
TH: 34-14 pats, you?
BR: 23-17 pats, stepping out on a limb

1st Half


(Green Bay defers after winning the coin toss and then shocks the world and goes for the opening onside kick)

BR: Sean Paytowned!
TH: Goddam
BR: Thanks for the set up Al Michaels "curious that the Packers deferred"
BR: Tom Crabtree is the Chris 'birdman' Anderson of the NFL, check out his white boy tats!
TH: Nice, Ryan Grant destroyed one of my fantasy teams
TH: Flynn's blitz strategy 'duck and cover'
BR: Better than Aaron Brooks's blitz strategy "Immediately throw it away because I don't want to be hit" or Derek Anderson's "Immediately throw a TAINT" (for those that don't know TAINTs are interceptions returned for touchdowns)
TH: Or Jake Plummer run around and either throw a TAINT or attempt an interception
BR: That is called a Tate Forcier in the college ranks. No joke, Kirk and I tried to get DominHoes last night and they said it would be 3 1/2 hours before they could deliver a pizza to us.
TH: What? Were they milking the cows to make the cheese?
BR: They were breeding the cow that would eventually  be milked to make the cheese.
TH: John Kuhn, big white running back, big jogger
BR: The Packers running back core should be called Kuhn and friends. (Donald Driver makes a catch) Alcorn State's finest!
(Charles Woodson drops an easy pick)
BR: Gotta be had!
TH: WTF is Sam Shields?
BR: Undrafted rookie from the U
(BenJarvis Green and Ellis scores a TD)
TH: Lawfirmed!
BR: When I originally heard about the 'law firm' I thought "No way they brought Lawyer Malloy back, he's been retired for years!"
TH: I'm consuming only beer and candy during this game
BR. I'm drinking water, late night last night
BR: Ed Hochuli wearing sleeves tonight, dis-a-pointing
TH: Truth, he should just man up and bring out the gun show
BR. If Clay Matthews touches hair with Brady it might take a while to get it untangled
TH: Al Michaels calling Woodhead a star is a bit of a stretch
BR. I like Woodhead, he is novel, unless he is playing against my team
(Matt light commits a holding penalty
BR: Matt Light hat trick !
TH: Well Matt Light there is leg one of the hat trick (The Matt Light Hat trick is a holding penalty, an offsides penalty and him letting Brady get blindsided, happens every game)
BR: Rodgers looks fine on the sideline to me, send him in! Willis Reed style!
TH: Matt Flynn just saw his life flash
BR. If Flynn goes down it's Graham Herrell, and the pack doesn't run the Texas Tech shotgun offense.
TH: Call up Mike Leach
BR: Maybe he could lock Woodhead in a janitors closet for us
(James Jones catches a 50 yard TD pass from Matt Flynn)
TH: F***
BR: Drink that James Jones Kool Aid!
BR: Woodhead destroyed Woodson on that blitz pickup!
TH: Bishop just lit up Brady, hopefully Giselle doesn't make him quit football.
BR: 3rd and 17 and we call a draw to Kuhn and friends?!?!
TH: Pretty much like saying 'well Matt you'll probably screw up. So we'll just punt.'
BR: Raji! (following a BJ Raji sack, a BC product's work)
TH: Nintendo! (Referring to Packers player Atari Bigby)
BR: Zoltan! (referring to the Patriots punter, Zoltan)
(NBC airs a commercial for its new series "the singoff")
TH: Screw the singoff, I aint gay
BR: The singoff must not have a big budget, Boyz 2 Men appearance?
TH: 98 degrees must not have been free
BR: So many flowing locks in this game, and 4 white wide receivers
TH: Good God! Let the Boys Play! (following a roughness penalty on the pats)
BR: Belichek looks especially 'dungeonmaster-y' tonight.
TH: Holchuli giving the Gettysburg address. And so much for our d being better.
(Dan Connolly, an offensive linemen returns the kickoff 71 yards for the pats)
TH: Easy! Big Fella!
BR: Get the man some oxygen!
BR: Respect to DeShawn Jackson destroying the giants today, walk off!
TH: True, and he is always good for some showboating
BR: Connelly's return was kind of like 3rd grade school yard tackle football. Give the ball to the biggest guy and watch him steam roll
TH: Man amongst boys

(Halftime, Packers are up 17-14, they play the 'tiny football league' segment, hosted by Bill Dwyer)

BR: Bill Dwyer! What is this battle bots?
TH: I will never understand the tiny football league, and Bob Costas insists upon himself more than any announcer, ever
BR: It would be awesome if they combined the tiny football league and battle bots

2nd Half


(Matt Flynn throws a pick and it is returned for a TD)
BR: Tainted
TH: Taint!
BR: The NCAA football 07 momentum meter just swung hard
TH: Turned the tide, well Kuhn and friends is a pain in the ass
BR: Vince Wilfork's gut isn't phased
TH: Jerod 'ayo for Mayo,' made up Chris Berman name
BR: That's solid, I'll amend my previous statement, Belichik looks like Emperor Palpatine, post disfiguration
TH: He had a darth vader look going last week in the snow
TH: F*** Kuhn and Friends (after a big packers run)
BR: Kuuuuuuhhhhnnnnn!
TH: Just went an took a dump, taxing during NFL games
BR: At least u aren't Hartman, who has to do 3 sudokus before he can go
BR: Hahaha 200 pound advantage for Raji (Woodhead tries to block BJ Raji who runs him over
TH: Waiting for Hartman to take a dump, more taxing. Woodhead trying to block Raji, maximum tax
BR: Kuhn sold his soul
TH: Apparently we can't stop joggers, Kuhn and Hillis had career days against the pats
BR: Breaking Bernie Kosar records probably pisses Clevelanders off
(Aaron Hernandez scores a TD)
TH: Dos TD's para Hernandez!
BR: No bueno, ello blows
TH: Matt Flynn throwing ducks
BR: Ok, don't give brady time to score
TH: True whoever gets the ball last probably wins
BR: like the panthers pats super bowl.
TH: M*****f******* Banta-Cain (after a hands to the face penalty)
BR: Can't trust people with two names
TH: Like Ryan Rowland-Smith, he blows
BR: Wendy's postgame report should feature commentary from Wendy
TH: Hot voice
(The packers down 4 with less than a minute remaining, stall on the 10 yard line, only running 1 play in the last 23 seconds after mass confusion)
TH: Holy S
BR: Well, there is where the rookie kills us
TH: Les Miles clock management school!
BR: I hate Les Miles, twenty three seconds and we run one stinking play
BR: We need a bear loss tomorrow, then beat the G men at home next week
TH: True way too many yards given up to Flynn

So ends the retro diary. Final Pats 31 Pack 27, good game although tough to see blown clock management end the game. Then Brenden went upstairs and cried himself to sleep, Timmy Harr reveled in the street for hours and might have texted Pat 'the boy' Falvey at some point

College Bowl Pick Em

TSR followers, Timmy Harr AKA Himmy Tarr has created a College Bowl Pick Em on ESPN.com . Click on this link if you are interested in joining http://games.espn.go.com/bowlmania/en/group?groupID=29848&entryID=189886 

One time, at band camp,,

I usually could care less about the band at halftime. I'd rather see frisbee dogs, Chinese lady spinning plates on a unicycle or quick change. However this is the coolest band stunt I have ever seen. Those guys with the football are booking it! Keep it up Hawaii band!

Cuban takes on people other than Dick Bevetta

If this happens I will become a Dallas Mavericks fan. Mark Cuban is trying to take down the BCS by himself, with the aid of gobs of gobs and gobs of money. In lieu of being unable to buy a baseball team Mr. Cuban wants to pay schools to be in a 12 or 16 team playoff at the end of the year. He would pay them more than they would make if they were in a single BCS bowl game. The teams seeded higher will get home field advantage which makes the regular season still important. Cuban believes he can make more money doing this than operating a baseball team. It would still be 3 or 4 years away but if someone knows how it get something done, it is Mr. Cuban.

The best thing about this plan is that the people who currently operate the BCS would either be forced to change or would no longer have jobs.

Phil Knight is at it again!

Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, ZOOM! That is the sound of the Oregon football team as they blow by Pac 10 defenses. Above is a picture of the uniforms that the ducks will wear in the national championship vs Auburn on January 10th. What do you think? Note: the shoes fade to highlighter green going up to the socks. I think some of the Oregon uniforms are fantastic and some are over the top, this one is alright I suppose. Five colors is a bit much for me to handle.

I do hope the ducks win the national championship. That way, when it is discovered that Cam Newton is being driven to Ruth Chris by Drew Rosenhaus we don't have to skip the "2010 BCS Champion" line in sports almanacs for years to come. TCU beating Wisconsin by 70 would also be phenomenal for BCS destruction. 

Dear Sausages...

Sausages!

Sorry for the long absence. I hope you all spent Thanksgiving with the ones you love and have come back rejuvenated for some TSR to round out the year and take you into 2010. The whirlwind of the Thanksgiving holiday came and went, most of it was spent sitting (screaming) while watching my Redwings/Lions/Muskies enjoy their success and the red-headed stepchild of the bunch, the once-great Detroit Pistons get mercilessly beaten into a pulp night in and night out.

Since we're getting back fresh into things here, lets do a quick recap of the sports happenings recently.

MLB:
Crawford and A-Gon head to Beantown/Yankees court Lee - another reason why a salary cap needs to be instituted in baseball, but I'm not here to B&M about politics. Hell, if the Marlins can win it, anyone can.

NBA:
Who cares? It's December.

NCAA:
Once conference play starts, we will begin to see the true movers and shakers in the land of true basketball. And a special shoutout to XUCB alum and Xavier walk-on Kevin Feeney, who played 2 minutes of sound, fundamental basketball in Xavier's 51-49win over Butler last Thursday.



NFL:
Are the Pats the class of the NFL? Are the Jets for real? Is the NFC West deserving of a playoff team? Will Brett Favre be broken this week? Are the Saints back? Hopefully all of these questions will sort themselves out in the upcoming march into the NFL Playoffs.

Hey, Brett...Call Me (pun intended)

NCAA Football:
Sausages, yes there will be a Bowl Preview and the possibility of a ESPN Bowl Pick'em Group sponsored by TSR. Stay tuned for that. In other NCAAFB news, Cam Newton rightfully won the Heisman by a landslide. Off the field news aside, Cam was the most dominant player in the country this season and one of the best all-around football players I've seen in a great while. Vince could run, but Cammy Cam can do it all.

#1 Auburn vs. #2 Oregon for the National Championship should be a very interesting matchup and could result in the first team to 55 wins. Be sure to not miss this one.

Premier League:
Arsenal sit top of the table which is the only reason why this update has been included (bias intended)

I want to finish this welcome back post with an aerial photograph of "The Big Chill at the Big House". This was the world's largest outdoor hockey event ever. 113,411 packed the newly-renovated Michigan Stadium above capacity (109,901) and cheered the Wolverine hockey team to a 5-0 victory. It doesn't matter if you root Blue or Green, this was an exceptionally cool sight and one that many people will not forget for a very long time.




That's it for tonight, Sausages. If you have any hard feelings due to the absence, write a letter and send it to Brooks Conrad.

- KA

Red Card Range Rover

Happy Thanksgiving Sausages,

I hope you're all having nice buildup to Turkey Day. Our blog tends to take a look at the lighter side of sports and this story continues that trend. We have all seen athletes have altercations with coaches (looking at you Latrell) and less often with officials/umpires. But I stumbled upon a story across the pond where an amateur footballer was so incensed by the mere threat of a red card that he stormed off the pitch, hopped into his Ranger Rover (a big boy) and tried to run down the ref in his ride. This is so bizarre I had to do a double-take to make sure it was true. Imagine if an MLB player with a volatile temper got called out on strikes due to a questionable strike zone. Would he hop in his H3 and try to kill the umpire? or even pull a Robert DeNiro in The Fan?

Have a look at the complete story here: Footballer goes Mental

24 weeks in prison is a good deal of time in the Iron Bar Hotel but that referee's peace of mind is gone like LeBron from Cleveland (too soon?). Anywho, thats about it for today. I hope you all have a very Sausage Thanksgiving.

Cheers,

- KA

The Worst 100!

First, I'd like to say that we at TSR dropped the ball by not thinking of this first. Deadspin has released a list of the worst 100 players in NFL history. Numerous D'Skae Lobases are featured including Boston College great/Cleveland Browns bust William Green. In his defense, William might have done better if he didn't get stabbed by his wife and have to miss a full season. Part 1: http://deadspin.com/5690535/

Part 2: http://deadspin.com/5690560/

Coming to a Stadium near you

This weekend, Illinois and Northwestern will be hitting the gridiron in the annual Battle for Illinois but this clash won’t be taking place in Champaign or Evanston. The friendly confines of Wrigley Field will be playing host to the game. Let’s hope a receiver on a go route doesn’t run into the ivy/brick wall. Hell, that would be the first play made on the warning track at Wrigley since Soriano starting “playing” left. We’ve been seeing a lot of this recently; venues typically suited for one sport have been dramatically altered to host a one-time sporting event not originally meant for the venue. I think that it’s great for stadiums to be converted into a venue for another sport. It gives us as fans a unique opportunity (heck, even once in a lifetime) to see a sport in a completely different element. Some might say that it is a marketing promotion or media relations ploy but I believe it’s all for the good of the sport. Sports are entertainment and keeping the fans wanting more is their objective. Fans have certainly responded by selling out every venue these events have taken place in and quite frankly they have kept demanding more. I took the liberty of summarizing some notable games that have taken or will take place at somewhat unorthodox venues.

Baseball:
Red Sox vs. Dodgers (LA Memorial Coliseum) – with that short porch, even Jason Tyner could get the ball out of the yard…after the picked it up and hit it again.

Football:
Bush-League Bowl Games at Chase Field, AT&T Park, etc. (I mean who cares about the Tang-Rayovec-Parker Bros Bowl for the Good presented by Sears and Bounty)

Hockey:
Heritage Classics – Oilers/Canadiens. Please bring back the retro Gretzky-era uniforms!

Winter Classics – novelty in comparison to the Heritage Classic. Canada does it better.

Frozen Four at Ford Field – numerous “complaints” regarding ice quality. Sounds like a bias against the Motor City.

Cold War I – Michigan vs. Michigan State

The Big Chill at the Big House – Michigan State vs. Michigan. 100,000 + tickets already sold for 12/11/2010 matchup.

Basketball:
Suns at Tennis Court – I only hoped when the scores were at 0, 15, 40 that they announced them like tennis scores. Even better would be when someone was shooting a free throw. “Nash, first serve. Nash, second serve.”

Final Fours at Ford Field/Indy – have to do it big for the Final Four.

Michigan State vs. North Carolina on an aircraft carrier – this is supposed to be confirmed soon for Veteran’s Day next year. What a gesture for our troops serving at home or abroad. I love how they always show the troops watching a big game overseas so it will be awesome to bring the game to them. Should be a heck of a game too.

Soccer:
Fenway Park – GGGGOOOOLLLLAAAAZZZZOOOO

The next step would be playing a baseball game inside of an arena. That would be complete chaos. And we thought playing in Tropicana Field was a nightmare.

- KA

*Update: Only the West Endzone will be used for the Illinois/Northwestern game.

La Flama Blanca

I know that many readers of TSR are fans of the HBO show Eastbound and Down. While trolling the internet the other day, I stumbled upon the wikipedia article of the show's main character Kenny Powers. The article has fictional statistics! How great is that! Also somehow his stats from 2006 are "unknown," like someone could play in the bigs and not have their stats recorded. Any speculation on how this could happen?

Why Sports are Great

Good Afternoon Sausages,

I only worked a half day today so I have some time to catch up on the happenings with TSR. Here is a video of the final play of a high school football game which saw Encino Crepsi (Cal) take on Sherman Oaks Notre Dame (Cal). The plot thickened because this game was a do-or-die situation for both teams striving for the playoffs. With the score tied and barely seconds remaining on the clock, Crepsi took the snap and with a herculean effort from the QB to stay on his feet, he threw the ball to the diminutive playmaker near the sidelines who scooted across the field only to pitch it into the open arms of a waiting teammate to rumble the rest of the way in the endzone.



We've been seeing this recently with amateur sports. There was a middle school who ran a trick play right up the gap to score a touchdown against a dumbfounded defense and countless others come to mind with varying degrees of trickery and ingenuity. But his one is all heart. I love seeing how much those kids wanted to win and how much it would mean for them to make it to the playoffs. I also love seeing the smallest kid in the stadium playing an integral role in the deciding touchdown. You can tell Crepsi wanted it more. Look at #72 on Notre Dame just flat give up on the play. Come on, man!

With all of the distractions that professional and college athletes are having on and off the field, its nice to have a change of pace where a couple high schools are playing for the love of the game and a simple win can mean so much to them.

Well done, kids.

- KA

Whoa! Writer's stepping out on a limb!

This is the first, and probably last post about women's basketball on the blog. I was on ESPN.com clicking on a few of the women's college basketball prediction articles (mainly because Xavier is supposed to be a top 10 team this year. I wanted to see if XU was getting some publicity). I stumbled upon this article showing all of the 'experts' picks for the big 6 conferences in the upcoming season. Talk about parody! One writer dared to dream and put Iowa to win the Big Ten. The other 23 picks are the exact same! And people wonder why no one respects women's b-ball (well besides the lack of dunking, general athleticism and slow pace of play). Every year 5 maybe 6 teams have a shot at winning the ship with the #1 seeds pretty much always cruising to the final four. It's just not that interesting when at the beginning of the season all the fans know either Uconn, Tennessee, Baylor, Duke or Stanford will win it all.

Not Dave Meggett!

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5789655

This is absurd! Dave Meggett sentenced 30 yrs for a sex crime? The only crimes I can envision Mr. Meggett committing are against opposing special teams units stupid enough to kick to him. On the bright side, Dave Meggett was always a favorite for the D'Skae D-Lobas and this will probably just make him a more popular option for said Lobas.

On a serious note: TSR wishes a happy 235th Birthday to the United States Marine Corps and a happy Veterans Day tomorrow for all our vets. God Bless.

Andy Reid at 13

Sausages,

I stumbled across this video during the Colts/Eagles game this past Sunday. It appears if coaching wiz and moustache aficionado Andy Reid or Ried as the video labels him is the world's largest 13 year old to ever participate in a Punt, Pass and Kick competition. There are so many things funny about this video, I don't know where to begin. Well, that's what this list is for.



1. The sheer mass of Reid. Come on, the kid behind him, hell all of the kids barely reach Andy's butt.

2. The moustache: Did someone take the Brawny man and shove him into kid's pads in order to compete?

3. Did Andy know that he was going to be throwing a football and not working on pass protection/pancake drills?

4. His legs probably weigh more than some of the kids...combined.

5. #22 is probably thinking how come his Dad didn't get asked to participate.

6. Is that Jared Lorenzen's dad?

7. How did one of the LA Rams get in this contest?

This is the first known siting of a man-child. Today, we salute you Andy Ried (Reid)...aka the Hefty Righty.

Stay Classy,

- KA

Dan Hawkins Canned at Colorado

This post is to commemorate Dan Hawkins coaching career at Colorado. He was fired on Tuesday and although he only went 19-39 over five seasons and decided to start his own kid for most of that run. He did provide us with a memorable off season 'post game' rant featured in the video above.

Hawkins won't need to worry about days off anymore, he gets every day off now.

Oregon Does It Again

Apparently Oregon unveiled their new basketball court recently. Now in addition to the best football uniforms, they easily have the best court. I really can't express how much ass this kicks. Aaron Brooks would be proud. (Rockets Aaron Brooks, a former Duck. Not to be confused with the former Saints QB Aaron Brooks, who blew.) Shout out to Oregon native and TSR favorite Thetans.

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/basketball/blog/the_dagger/post/Oregon-s-new-arena-features-a-memorable-basketba?urn=ncaab-283060

EPL Preview

Sausages,

Sorry I didn't do this yesterday but here is a quick preview of the EPL games this weekend.

Last Week: 4-6
Season: 18-22

Saturday:

Bolton v. Tottenham
Pick: Tottenham

Birmingham v. West Ham
Pick: Birmingham

Blackburn v. Wigan
Pick: Draw

Blackpool v. Everton
Pick: Everton

Fulham v. Aston Villa
Pick: Fulham

Man Utd v. Wolves
Pick: Man Utd

Sunderland v. Stoke City
Pick: Draw

Sunday:

Arsenal v. Newcastle
Pick: Arsenal

WBA v. Man City
Pick: Draw

Liverpool v. Chelsea (Match of the Week)
Pick: Chelsea