TSR authors Tim Harrington (Boston native, Pats fan, Brady's hair enthusiast) and Brenden Regan (Packers fan, went to Lambeau for 10th birthday, believes Clay Matthews is a werewolf at heart) decided to exchange text messages during last nights game between their two favorite teams. Below are Brenden and Tim's exchange, some content has been edited, because TSR is a family friendly blog.
Pre Kick Off
Brenden Regan: So did Faith Hill have to come in and change the "Football Night in America" song to include Matt Flynn's mediocrity and how the pats are going to to rail the pack?
Tim Harrington: If Brady and Clay Matthews had a child would he be allowed to play in the NFL at age 14?
BR: More importantly what color would his flowing locks be? Packers are going to take the Jets shady tactics to a new level tonight. I heard AJ Hawk has a shank made out of a toothbrush in his sock.
TH: If only Brandon Spikes wasn't suspended for roids. We still have Meriwether to swing some helmets if it comes to blows.
BR: (angry due to Knowshon Moreno getting 0 fantasy points) Apparently the new Broncos Tebow offense doesn't ever let Knowshon see the field. Funny, the ESPN fantasy scouting report failed to mention that.
TH: Matthew Berry Blows, novelty columnist
BR: He's a scam artist. Oh start the players going against terrible defenses? No one ever thought of that!
BR: Predict the score?
TH: 34-14 pats, you?
BR: 23-17 pats, stepping out on a limb
1st Half
(Green Bay defers after winning the coin toss and then shocks the world and goes for the opening onside kick)
BR: Sean Paytowned!
TH: Goddam
BR: Thanks for the set up Al Michaels "curious that the Packers deferred"
BR: Tom Crabtree is the Chris 'birdman' Anderson of the NFL, check out his white boy tats!
TH: Nice, Ryan Grant destroyed one of my fantasy teams
TH: Flynn's blitz strategy 'duck and cover'
BR: Better than Aaron Brooks's blitz strategy "Immediately throw it away because I don't want to be hit" or Derek Anderson's "Immediately throw a TAINT" (for those that don't know TAINTs are interceptions returned for touchdowns)
TH: Or Jake Plummer run around and either throw a TAINT or attempt an interception
BR: That is called a Tate Forcier in the college ranks. No joke, Kirk and I tried to get DominHoes last night and they said it would be 3 1/2 hours before they could deliver a pizza to us.
TH: What? Were they milking the cows to make the cheese?
BR: They were breeding the cow that would eventually be milked to make the cheese.
TH: John Kuhn, big white running back, big jogger
BR: The Packers running back core should be called Kuhn and friends. (Donald Driver makes a catch) Alcorn State's finest!
(Charles Woodson drops an easy pick)
BR: Gotta be had!
TH: WTF is Sam Shields?
BR: Undrafted rookie from the U
(BenJarvis Green and Ellis scores a TD)
TH: Lawfirmed!
BR: When I originally heard about the 'law firm' I thought "No way they brought Lawyer Malloy back, he's been retired for years!"
TH: I'm consuming only beer and candy during this game
BR. I'm drinking water, late night last night
BR: Ed Hochuli wearing sleeves tonight, dis-a-pointing
TH: Truth, he should just man up and bring out the gun show
BR. If Clay Matthews touches hair with Brady it might take a while to get it untangled
TH: Al Michaels calling Woodhead a star is a bit of a stretch
BR. I like Woodhead, he is novel, unless he is playing against my team
(Matt light commits a holding penalty
BR: Matt Light hat trick !
TH: Well Matt Light there is leg one of the hat trick (The Matt Light Hat trick is a holding penalty, an offsides penalty and him letting Brady get blindsided, happens every game)
BR: Rodgers looks fine on the sideline to me, send him in! Willis Reed style!
TH: Matt Flynn just saw his life flash
BR. If Flynn goes down it's Graham Herrell, and the pack doesn't run the Texas Tech shotgun offense.
TH: Call up Mike Leach
BR: Maybe he could lock Woodhead in a janitors closet for us
(James Jones catches a 50 yard TD pass from Matt Flynn)
TH: F***
BR: Drink that James Jones Kool Aid!
BR: Woodhead destroyed Woodson on that blitz pickup!
TH: Bishop just lit up Brady, hopefully Giselle doesn't make him quit football.
BR: 3rd and 17 and we call a draw to Kuhn and friends?!?!
TH: Pretty much like saying 'well Matt you'll probably screw up. So we'll just punt.'
BR: Raji! (following a BJ Raji sack, a BC product's work)
TH: Nintendo! (Referring to Packers player Atari Bigby)
BR: Zoltan! (referring to the Patriots punter, Zoltan)
(NBC airs a commercial for its new series "the singoff")
TH: Screw the singoff, I aint gay
BR: The singoff must not have a big budget, Boyz 2 Men appearance?
TH: 98 degrees must not have been free
BR: So many flowing locks in this game, and 4 white wide receivers
TH: Good God! Let the Boys Play! (following a roughness penalty on the pats)
BR: Belichek looks especially 'dungeonmaster-y' tonight.
TH: Holchuli giving the Gettysburg address. And so much for our d being better.
(Dan Connolly, an offensive linemen returns the kickoff 71 yards for the pats)
TH: Easy! Big Fella!
BR: Get the man some oxygen!
BR: Respect to DeShawn Jackson destroying the giants today, walk off!
TH: True, and he is always good for some showboating
BR: Connelly's return was kind of like 3rd grade school yard tackle football. Give the ball to the biggest guy and watch him steam roll
TH: Man amongst boys
(Halftime, Packers are up 17-14, they play the 'tiny football league' segment, hosted by Bill Dwyer)
BR: Bill Dwyer! What is this battle bots?
TH: I will never understand the tiny football league, and Bob Costas insists upon himself more than any announcer, ever
BR: It would be awesome if they combined the tiny football league and battle bots
2nd Half
(Matt Flynn throws a pick and it is returned for a TD)
BR: Tainted
TH: Taint!
BR: The NCAA football 07 momentum meter just swung hard
TH: Turned the tide, well Kuhn and friends is a pain in the ass
BR: Vince Wilfork's gut isn't phased
TH: Jerod 'ayo for Mayo,' made up Chris Berman name
BR: That's solid, I'll amend my previous statement, Belichik looks like Emperor Palpatine, post disfiguration
TH: He had a darth vader look going last week in the snow
TH: F*** Kuhn and Friends (after a big packers run)
BR: Kuuuuuuhhhhnnnnn!
TH: Just went an took a dump, taxing during NFL games
BR: At least u aren't Hartman, who has to do 3 sudokus before he can go
BR: Hahaha 200 pound advantage for Raji (Woodhead tries to block BJ Raji who runs him over
TH: Waiting for Hartman to take a dump, more taxing. Woodhead trying to block Raji, maximum tax
BR: Kuhn sold his soul
TH: Apparently we can't stop joggers, Kuhn and Hillis had career days against the pats
BR: Breaking Bernie Kosar records probably pisses Clevelanders off
(Aaron Hernandez scores a TD)
TH: Dos TD's para Hernandez!
BR: No bueno, ello blows
TH: Matt Flynn throwing ducks
BR: Ok, don't give brady time to score
TH: True whoever gets the ball last probably wins
BR: like the panthers pats super bowl.
TH: M*****f******* Banta-Cain (after a hands to the face penalty)
BR: Can't trust people with two names
TH: Like Ryan Rowland-Smith, he blows
BR: Wendy's postgame report should feature commentary from Wendy
TH: Hot voice
(The packers down 4 with less than a minute remaining, stall on the 10 yard line, only running 1 play in the last 23 seconds after mass confusion)
TH: Holy S
BR: Well, there is where the rookie kills us
TH: Les Miles clock management school!
BR: I hate Les Miles, twenty three seconds and we run one stinking play
BR: We need a bear loss tomorrow, then beat the G men at home next week
TH: True way too many yards given up to Flynn
So ends the retro diary. Final Pats 31 Pack 27, good game although tough to see blown clock management end the game. Then Brenden went upstairs and cried himself to sleep, Timmy Harr reveled in the street for hours and might have texted Pat 'the boy' Falvey at some point
No comments:
Post a Comment